dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
