Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
