you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
