Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
