He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
