They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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