It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
