If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
