that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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