Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
