dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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