so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
did i just pee glitter
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
