No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
