I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize