we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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