I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
