You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
