a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
