doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
