I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Drunk is not a location!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
