I have demons in me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
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