She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
