She said her name was "party"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
