finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
