for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
