So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
