Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
