He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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