His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
