i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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