question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
