You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
