This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize