not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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