I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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