Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize