i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Damn victory sex feels great
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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