Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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