we have officially lost it.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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