I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
