she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
