I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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