also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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