i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize