the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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