i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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