addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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