Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I intend to get homeless drunk
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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