This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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