I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize