4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
