This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
