I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he fucked my hip out of place.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
