No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
