I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
