Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
