We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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