Yo dont text me then not text me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
