I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
