I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
