i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
