I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
