We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
