I skipped work to stalk him.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
