I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
