I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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