i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
