I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
