I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I did not marry a roomba.
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