I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize