He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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