i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
