Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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