He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
