oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
