Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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