I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
