a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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