He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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