didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize