I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
