week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
