Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
