My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
