Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
