If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
