May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
