I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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