smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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