i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
