all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
