we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
