you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
