shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
