You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
