I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize