There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
