do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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