I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize