I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
