I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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