This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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