yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need water and some morals
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
