i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
