Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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