fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
