are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
