Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
