Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
